White hole in a bathroom surgery.
--- Credits ---
Jackie (voice off):"Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky like a patient etherized upon a table."
T.S. Eliot, 10th grade english, sister Jane de Chanteau. What a Champ. She's the one who told me that people with the greatest capacity for good are the ones with the greatest capacity for evil. Smart fucking nun. All right, I've got one for you.
What do you call a nurse with a bad back? Unemployed. Budump-bump. One left. That sucks.
16 grains. No more, no less. Just a little bump to get me up and running.</i>
- - - - - - - - - -
Jackie cares for a wounded emergencies. Dr. Cooper, the phone enters.
Cooper : No no no, St. Barts. Four hours door to door. Book it. Trust me, you won't regret it. We good? All right, I've got to go.
Cooper, to injury : Hey, champ.
Jackie : Head struck, open tib-fib. Pulse is weak and thready.
Cooper : Does that hurt? How about that?
Jackie : Why don't you let me do that? How you doing, Peter? You hanging in there?
Peter : It's all good.
Jackie : No pain?
Peter : Nope.
Jackie : Can you show me two fingers? Peter? Two fingers?
Peter : Doc, you should get an iPhone.
Cooper : You think so? Let's get Rog from ortho down here.
Jackie : Watch the light, hon. Blood in the ear. Let's check for glucose. Rule out C.S.F. This guy needs a scan.
Cooper : I know what I'm doing. Jesus, bossy. That leg's fucked up.
Jackie : Ortho, seriously? He's got a bleed, I'm telling you right now.
Cooper : He's totally lucid, 100% - knock knock ?
Peter : Who's there?
Cooper : See, what'd I tell you? Let's get some film on that leg. We're gonna fix you up real good, chief.
Peter died, Jackie left alone with him.
Jackie (voice off):"Acute subdural hematoma. The brain puffs up so fast it rips the blood vessels and you bleed to death inside your skull.
Jackie at the phone : 27-year-old bike messenger.
- Yeah, of course he's a donor.
- Of course I have the family's consent.
- Jesus Christ, you people...
- You have four minutes to get a transplant team into place.
- Yeah, 3 minutes and counting, OK?
- Hang up the phone and drive.
Jackie : You should not have died, Peter Michael Donovan. It may have been a shame, but it won't be a waste, that I promise.
Jackie gets the family to learn of the death of Peter
The mother : My son was an organ donor?
Jackie : He was.
1er brother : Fucking bleeding heart. Give it all away, Petey.
Second : What the fuck with the language? Look at where you are.
1er brother : Blow me.
Second : All right.
1er brother : Where's the bike?
Jackie : I'm sorry?
Second : He's our brother. He broke his leg and he died. And all you want to know is where...
Jackie : He didn't die from the leg injury.
1er brother : It was like three grand, so yeah, I want to know where it is. What, you want beth to have it?
Second : Fuck Beth.
The mother : Beth is the girlfriend.
Jackie : I see.
Second : We worked 9/11 and not a scratch on us. Petey's job is to ride a bike and he gets killed.
1er brother : Seriously, you don't know where the bike is?
Jackie Cooper joins the toilet.
Cooper : Jackie ! Chocolate milk.
Jackie : Dr. Cooper.
Cooper : Coop. Call me Coop.
Jackie : Dr. Cooper.
Cooper : Nurse Jackie. So what's up? What can I do for you?
Jackie : What you can do for me is this: you can stay the fuck out of my way, that's what you can do for me.
Cooper : You want to use the sink?
Jackie : No. What I need is for you to know that I know you. I have seen hundreds of you jerk-offs blow through these doors. You graduated what, top 10, top 5% of your class? Right? Test scores through the roof, but a total fucking retard when it comes to actual patients. I know you. I had to sit and look her mother in the eye and tell her that we did everything we could, dumb. That was my patient. I told you he was slipping and he was. If I tell you to order a scan you order a Goddamn scan. Because if you don't do it, I'll just go to the next doctor. And the next doctor after that. In the meantime, that kid died. And it is all on you.
Emu and paralyzed, Cooper grabbed the breast of Jackie.
Jackie : Is this happening, not happening? I can't even tell.
Cooper : Shit, crap! I'm so sorry. Oh God. I... No. When I get nervous, I act out with inappropriate sexual touches. It's like... It's like Tourette's. It's... it's...
Jackie : It's over, OK? It happened and now it's over. So there's that.
Cooper : Yeah. No, I'm... I'm practically uninsurable. Seriously, Jackie. It's... it's completely involuntary. I am not attracted to you at all.
Dr. O'Hara opens the door to the time
O’Hara : Charming as ever. Jacks, Wicked Witch is looking for you. Apparently, you dropped a house on her sister.
Mo-mo : Don't be mad, lady.
Zoey : Hi. Zoey. First year nursing Queens community. Hi... again.
Mo-mo : Fresh meat. I took the last three, this one is yours.
Jackie : Fuck off, Mohammed. No offence.
Akalitus : These hours, Jackie. All Saints Hospital and it's myriad subsidiaries do in no way endorse 80-hour weeks from its nursing staff.
Jackie : Please, Mrs. Akalitus, please. I am with a student. Let's go, whatever your name is.
Akalitus : After 12.5 hours nurses are three times more likely to make mistakes.
Jackie : Lies, Mrs. Akalitus, lies.
Akalitus : Two things. Did you take Dr. Ekebwe's pen? And... can you do a double on monday?
Jackie : Yes. And yes.
Jackie : Oui Good, you're quiet. I like them quiet.
Zoey : Which I think is funny. But I just want you to know I think it's great that I'll be with you all day. I can tell you're somebody who lives the job, and that's totally me.
Jackie : OK, a quick question.
Zoey : Sure.
Jackie : Shut up.
Zoey : Is that a question?
Jackie : I don't like chatty. I don't do chatty. I like quiet. Quiet and mean, those are my people.
Jackie and Zoey are in the hospital pharmacy
Eddie : How's your friend here feel about wheeling a cart of chemo meds up to the chemo ward?
Jackie : I don't know. Why don't you ask her?
Zoey : Oh my God, I'd love to.
Eddie and Jack are lovers in the midst of their lovemaking ...
Jackie : My back, my back.
Eddie : Jesus. Okay, babe. Let's... Let's get you up onto the cot. You all right?
Jackie : All right, all right.
Eddie : Oh, shit. You all right?
Jackie : Sorry.
Eddie : All right. Shit. What do you say we just lay here for a minute? All right.
Jackie : I got six minutes. Five minutes. I'm gonna set my watch.
Eddie : Better?
Jackie : Yeah, it is better.
Eddie : You want a little something for your back?
Jackie : No, I'm all right. That's sweet. I'm okay. You know what? Maybe... Maybe a little oxy.
“Blue team, trauma room. ETA, two minutes.”
A paramedic : 19-year-old female. Multiple stab wounds arms, head and chest. 80 over 45, O2 is at 83.
The injured : It looks so nice.
Jackie : We got you, honey. It's OK.
The paramedic : We got some John getting off cutting up hookers in a limo. Dumped her in the Alphabets.
The injured : Why did he have to cut me so bad?
Jackie : They get him?
The paramedic : No. Be on the lookout for Vincent Van Gogh in a Zegna fuckin' suit. She got the blade away from him, cut his whole ear off.
Jackie : Good girl. Put it on ice. Puke away from the ear, Zoey.
In the hallway
O’Hara : Fucking Manolo Blahnik. Hurt like hell, but they make my legs look so good.
Jackie : Can I see that? What size do you wear?
O’Hara : Eight.
Jackie : I thought I did too.
O’Hara : I need to eat something.
Jackie : Me too.
At the restaurant
Jackie : Dr. Cooper grabbed my tit today.
O’Hara : Did your tit make the first move?
Jackie : A Tourette's response to stress.
O’Hara : Jesus. You're kidding.
Jackie : No I'm not. That man is incompetent and dangerous. He killed a bike messenger today.
O’Hara : You're such a tattletale. More bread.
Jackie : What do you doctors have against healing people, for Christ's sake?
O’Hara : Yeah, you see that lot right there. Healing, helping, fixing... It's fantastic. That's why you're a nurse. When I was a little girl, I took a butter knife and opened up a dead bunny to see how it worked. That's why I'm a doctor.
Jackie : You care as much as I do and you know it.
O’Hara : No, I don't. Do you realize that you're the only sane one there? It's a fucking asylum. I'm telling you, Jack, if I didn't have this, and of course you, I don't think I could handle it there. I really don't. You're so... dedicated.
A person choking at the next table
Jackie : I'm off the clock.
O’Hara : So am I.
Jackie : Four minutes till brain damage.
O’Hara : Two till she passes out.
A lady : Excuse me. We need some help.
Jackie : I got it. You're buying lunch.
O’Hara : Yes, ma'am.
Server : Are you all right?
O’Hara : I think it's marvelous the hotel has a nurse on duty.
Back at the hospital
Zoey : I'm sorry I puked. It won't happen again.
Jackie : Yes it will.
A paramedic : 16-year-old male. Shot a roman candle out of his ass. Third degree burns on his scrotum and perirectal area.
Cooper : Find an open GYN. Let's get him in the stirrups. Where's Jackie? Someone get Jackie.
Jackie : I'm here.
The injured : It's okay. You can laugh.
Jackie : No one's laughing, honey.
Cooper : Our first objective is to get you out of pain.
Jackie : He's totally loaded. He is not in any pain.
Cooper : We don't want to make you sick. You want to tell us what you took?
The injured : I can't remember.
Jackie : Hennessy and Hpnotiq? Been smoking a little cush? Smoke...
The injured : How did she know?
Cooper : She's seen 100 of you jerk-offs blow through these doors.
Jackie : I have been exactly that drunk myself. I used to drink a lot.
The injured : So what, you don't drink anymore? Ever?
Jackie : Nope, never. I like to have a clear head.
Cooper : Can we close the door?
Zoey : Listen, would it be okay if I took a picture of... your injuries? My stupid little brother's like a bong hit away from launching fireworks from his ass cheeks. He might think twice.
The injured : Cautionary tale. Enjoy. Holla. It's starting to hurt.
Jackie : I know, honey. I know.
Mo-mo between Jackie and asked to leave
Mo-mo : When you have a minute.
In the corridor
Mo-mo : Her name is Beth... Girlfriend of the bike messenger kid. She wants to talk to you.
Jackie : Why me? Where's the social worker?
Mo-mo : She's still mad at us for the Christmas party.
Jackie : Us? You're the one who tongued her husband after yuletide karaoke.
Mo-mo : You dared me.
Jackie : You owe me.
Mo-mo : I owe everybody.
Jackie : I'm so confused.
Beth : He never said anything about being an organ donor. I don't want you to just cut him up like that, you know?
Jackie : I'm afraid that train has already left the station. Don't listen to me, honey. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must feel like to be you right now. And I'm not gonna cushion it and tell you I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it is much bigger than that. But I am... deeply deeply sorry. But if it's any comfort, he's gonna be a hero now. His body is gonna save lives.
Beth : He Fine. Can I have his heart?
Jackie : I'm sorry?
Beth : He How about a kidney? I know there's this organ market where rich people pay a lot of money for body parts.
Jackie : I know it doesn't work that way.
Beth : 20,000 bucks for a kidney. Don't you think he owes me that for getting himself killed on that goddamn bike. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't even pay for a cab home. Fucking Peter. He made me pancakes this morning.
Jackie : Kalil. Can I ask you something? Who is that guy?
Kalil : Shitbird sliced up a prostitute in a limo.
Jackie : Why isn't he cuffed?
Kalil : Executive secretary to the fucking Libyan ambassador. Can't detain him. Diplomatic immunity. Brought him in to get his ear back.
Jackie : Are you kidding me? That's it?
Kalil : Nothing gonna happen to him. Not without his embassy's consent.
The Libyan secretary : How long is this going to take?
Jackie : That woman you cut took 287 stitches and 10 pints of blood.
The Libyan secretary : She liked to cut herself.
Jackie : It was her idea?
The Libyan secretary : American women are very adventurous. She probably did it for attention. What do you do for attention?
Jackie : I'll be right back.
In the toilet, Jackie throws his ear and pulls the plug
Jackie : Fuck you.
In the chapel
Mo-mo : What does one offer as a side dish when serving John the baptist's head on a silver platter?
Jackie : Coleslaw. No, mac and cheese. No, potato salad.
Mo-mo : And rum and cokes.
Jackie : You like rum and cokes with anything.
Mo-mo : That's right.
Jackie : I could have saved that boy, that messenger kid. I knew there was a bleed. I felt it. This is where you jump in and tell me, "You did everything you could. It wasn't your fault."
Mo-mo : Do you want me to say that?
Jackie : Do you believe it?
Mo-mo : Do you? You know... There would be some definite advantages to dating a man without a torso.
Jackie : You could carry him in your purse.
Mo-mo : He could never leave.
Jackie : You could put him in the oven when he talks back.
Mo-mo : Or throw his stupid head overboard when you catch him fucking a pool boy on a cruise to celebrate your six-month anniversary that you had to pay for because he is such a narcissistic fucking asshole.
Jackie : How is Randy?
Mo-mo : He's good.
In the office.
Zoey : Do you think there's a finite amount of pain in the world? Like, if I take a thorn out of someone's hand does that pain have to go somewhere else?
Jackie : Yes, that's why there's drugs.
Zoey : Like maybe God said, "Here, I want this much suffering "to exist in the world. "You people can split it up anyway you want, "but I want exactly this much suffering."
Jackie : It's interesting. That would make him kind of a prick though, wouldn't it?
Zoey : I have a tendency to overthink sometimes.
Jackie : Go home. Turn your brain off. I'll see you tomorrow.
Zoey : I think you're a saint. Just so you know.
Jackie : Goddamn it. I almost killed you. I almost killed you.
Eddie waiting for Jackie to the hospital
Jackie : Good night.
Eddie : Night. You want to come over tonight?
Jackie : Not tonight, okay?
Eddie : Brought you something for your back.
Jackie : Dr. Pepper? And... A moonpie. I was thinking more along the lines of Vicodin.
Eddie : I'm not an idiot.
Jackie : I love you.
Eddie : I love you too.
In the street
Jackie to a cyclist: Be careful.
The cyclist : Fuck you.
Jackie returns to her home
Jackie : “If I were a saint, which maybe I want to be, maybe I don't, I would be like Augustine. He knew there was good in him and he knew there was some not so good. And he wasn't going to give up his earthly pleasures before he was good and ready. Make me good, God, but not yet. Right?”
Jackie : Hello, my loves.
Fiona : Hey, Mom.
Jackie : Hi, sweetheart.
Grace : Mom!
Jackie : Come here, baby.
Fiona : A moonpie. For me?
Jackie : Split it with your sister.
In the kitchen
Kevin : Hey, babe. I made pancakes for dinner. How great is that?
Jackie : “It bears repeating. Make me good, God, but not yet."